i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
