i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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