Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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