It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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