Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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