We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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