True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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