my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
