thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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