tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
