i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
