we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
