She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
