i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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