You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
