bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
