38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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