Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
