this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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