i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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