I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
