if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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