i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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