He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
