no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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