oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
