I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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