saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
