i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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