Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
