i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's always time for handjobs
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
