I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
