your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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