Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
