I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
