My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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