She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
