Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
