Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
