i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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