ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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