Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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