and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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