Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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