I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
