So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
