she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
