how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I want her autograph on my taint
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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