I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
