i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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